As you all know this column was not created for me but rather for the youth at large so whenever I get feedback from you guys about a previous article I wrote, we publish it so as to share the thoughts and the varying advice.


I recently received a message on Facebook from a loyal reader of this column sharing a serious problem that he has in his relationship. Now this guy said he recently found out that his girlfriend cheated on him and this has put him under a lot of stress.

The guy also stated that he himself has cheated on the girlfriend a number of times and the girl kept on forgiving him but he finds it really difficult to forgive her even though she has only done it once. So basically this guy was asking for advice as to what to do and how to do it in order for him to find it in his heart to forgive the girlfriend.

You see I personally have noticed something really intriguing about cheating. I have realized that when a guy cheats, he cheats just for fun of it and just to pass time and maybe because of the attraction that he has for the other girl. But with ladies, it’s a different story, when we cheat, it’s usually an emotional thing and this can cause great damage in the relationship as compared to a guy cheating.

So what I decided to do was to do a bit of research on why ladies cheat and maybe once the guy who sent me the email learns this, then he might just be able to deal with the issue at hand.

If your wife or girlfriend has self-esteem issues, it doesn’t mean she’s automatically going to cheat  and it’s certainly not your fault if she does , but there are ways to make her feel secure in the relationship. Pay attention to her, ask her questions and don’t hold back on compliments a little flattery goes a long way with women.

She feels wounded and betrayed and wants to hurt you the same way you hurt her. To regain her trust, it’s not enough just to tell her you’re sorry; you have to show her. Actions speak louder than words.

One thing women want most is intimacy. It’s not just sex that makes women feel connected in a relationship; it’s touching, kissing, cuddling, and communicating. Women crave it, and she could seek it elsewhere if she’s not getting it at home. To improve intimacy, spend quality time together, give her a foot massage, make a romantic dinner for two, anything that will give her a sense of unity and closeness.

It’s simple, if your girl feels neglected this gives her double reason to seek attention elsewhere. Make time for her and show her that you appreciate her.

Women are emotional beings. Not only do they need physical support, but they also need emotional support. Once you retreat from the relationship, she sees it as a sign that things are through and a breakup is inevitable. So, she’s not really cheating, she’s moving on. To avoid this, be present in the relationship. Yes, that means sharing your icky feelings.


  1. HELLO!
    At times we find our-selfves helpless and we end up doing things that we know are wrong.cheating is wrong but if u are cheated you end up cheating if are not strong.

    I am in a very boring and challenging relationship.My boyfrind drinks alcohol almost everyday more so that we end up spending like a month and some weeks without seeng and calling each other.
    At times when I am along I feel cheating is the solution but there is this other voice inside of me that will always prevent me to do I urgy evry lady/gentleman to leave evrything unto the Lord and pray that if that particular partner is true God change him/her into a good person who will do wright to another partner or pray to find Mr/Miss wright(GOD IS GREAT ALL THE TIME AND HE ALWAYS GIVES HIS CHILDREN WHAT THEY WANT IF THEY ASK FROM HIM)Be blessed and trust the Lord.

    I wish you all the luck.

  2. things have changed,this days we also cheat jus to have fun on the side,as soon as the fun fade away,we cut our ties.

  3. Maybe we should get a clear definition of cheating. In this context it sounds like it only applies to someone having sexual intimacy outside an established relationship. But I believe it should be expanded a little bit. I think it should also emphasize the deprivation of physical and emotional attention which is being given somewhere else to other people. What I know is that married men for example, tend to wander to other women when the wife has children who take all her attention. The man may not even be allowed to do anything in the house to show he cares, as there are maids, relatives and in-laws. So he gets bored and feels neglected. Then he moves out and finds another female who will give him attention just for himself. Some women have just too many women friends and these friends can be so demanding that the wife or girl friend does not see the need to be with her partner. That is also the source of male cheating. From my experience, it is the church ladies and choirs that spend all the time in my home with my wife. They sometimes would spend the whole saturday night singing in my house, while at that time I would be badly in need of bonding with my wife. So what fault will it be of mine, if I went out and got drunk or end up in some other woman’s sheets? The opposite is also true for men who have too many friends and clubs taking them away from family obligations, which include loving their wives. So the trick to prevent infidelity is to always be together and be more than just a married couple. Be friends.

  4. fa monna a sa go nneele attention,a sa beche,a sa go kgotsofatse sexually,ke gone gore o bate yoo o taa dirang dilo tseo beta than him.

  5. rona rele bomme,re tlhoka lerato le tlhokomelo,gape borre ba leba their feelings ba le nosi,ba batla go dira mme ga ba batle go diriwa,WHY?If there’s no love,thts whr ladies cheat,le rona rena le maikutlo batho.

  6. borre,fa lebatla go fiwa lerato le tlhokomelo,tlogelang mmuso waga farwe,lefe bomme attention pls.mosadi waabo a revenja botlhoko jo a bo utlwisitsweng ke rre.


  8. I got 3 yrs wth my gal frnd nd sh stay at Mhlpy.Sh ws skulin at Madiba lst nd we wr stil dating.I thnk sh cheat me coz we cn spnd abt a month wthout communicating.Bt i dnt wnt 2 c dat sh cheat me coz i cheat hr 2.Sh said sh is a virgin nd we gona hv sex aftr sh got married.Bt i hv sex wth those i cheat hr wth.I dnt knw if sh is true whn sh says sh is a virgn.Coz i dnt wnt 2 knw dat sh cheats me i dnt read hr msgs.Iz come on me dat sh do.Nd i dnt wnt 2 knw dat sh do.

  9. Wat i knw is wen we do things bhnd our partners is dt wen sephiri setswa ijo,man fil weak coz ga re batle go jelwa bt re rata go jela…,