My ex is cold to our kids

I was in a relationship for six years; my ex and I had two children and then broke up after she revealed that I am not the father of her third child.

After that she also told me she wanted to move on with her new man.

I agreed, though pained by the break-up.

I managed to take my children from her family, to come and live with me but she doesn’t help in any way…not even when the children are sick…and neither do her parents.

You see, just a word from her sometimes, asking the children how they are, will make a huge difference because we’re facing a situation where they are now refusing to go visit her.

I believe if she made an effort to give them the motherly love that they need from her, it would draw them closer to her and strengthen the bond between her and them.

One is in Standard 1 and the other in standard 2; my name is on their birth certificates although they use my ex’s family name and not mine as their mother and I were never married.

My question is: Can I visit the court about this matter?

We have a file there which was opened when I refused to pay maintenance fee for the children when they visited her as I’m the one raising them and seeing to all their needs including school.

For the issue to be at court, she wanted money from me for the children when they visit her during school holidays but I refused to give her cash and instead preferred to buy all that they needed or pay directly for whatever needed to be paid for.

Please advise me where to go for assistance because I don’t want a situation whereby it seems I have forcefully taken the children away from her.

Do you have any idea at all, why she and her parents don’t bother to help even when the children are sick? It really beats me how a mother can behave like that, deliberately depriving her own children of her love.

That is very cruel and if she thinks by doing that she’s getting back at you, then she’s very foolish, because all that she’s achieving is hurting her own children.

Okay, so she was trying to use the children to milk you but failed because you’d rather buy or pay directly for what the children need, than give her actual cash.

It’s only fair that you should expect her to at least show interest in her children and especially show concern when they’re sick.

As she’s the one who approached the authorities in the first place, it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if you too reported her to the same office for depriving her children of their mother’s care and love.

That way, maybe she’ll learn to act as responsibly as she expects of others.

Also contact the following organizations, explain your problem to them and they’ll help you:

Men and Boys for Gender Equality, a.k.a MenEngage; you can reach them on 3957763,

Women’s Shelter (although they assist mostly women, they also help men and children); SMS HELP to 16510 and they will call you back.

Childline Botswana will give you advice which is in the best interests of the children. Ask them what action a father can take legally, when the mother of his children does not care about them…as is the case with you and your children.

They have social workers who can advise you.

Social Workers in your village or town can also help you.

All the above can also provide you with counselling if you need it.

Whichever way you choose to go about solving this matter, please remember that this is about the children; avoid unnecessary confrontation or fighting at all costs as that will affect your children negatively and you don’t want that, I’m sure.

Do not let her get away with neglecting the children but at the same time ensure that the matter is resolved as peacefully as possible.

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