Some people are never satisfied. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that most people in the developing world – including the urban areas of Botswana – are pretty much constantly on the lookout for something to complain about. During the winter I kept hearing, “It’s too cold” then for the past month it’s been, “It’s too hot.”
“I wish the rain would start.”
“I’m sick and tired of all this rain.”
The most common feedback I get for this column is that I don’t tell enough jokes. Man that really cheeses me off.
Sorry, just kidding there. Well, actually I’m not kidding about people tending to argue and moan instead of being grateful for all the wonderful things we have access to in the 21st century, but I am always happy to get any kind of feedback and I simply love the opportunity to slip in a mildly relevant joke. I hope this one helps make my point, but if it doesn’t please feel free to send your objections to the e-mail address at the top of this page.
John and Joy were 85-years-old and had been married for 60 years. They were far from rich but they managed to get by because John watched their thebes.
They were both in very good health, largely due to Joy’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade but one day, their good health didn’t help when they went on holiday and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, ‘Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.’
John asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. ‘Why, nothing,’ Peter replied, ‘remember, this is your reward in Heaven.’
John looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
‘What are the greens fees?’ grumbled John.
‘This is heaven,’ St. Peter replied. ‘You can play for free, every day.’
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.
‘Don’t even ask,’ said St. Peter to John. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.’
John looked around and glanced nervously at Joy.
‘Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?’ he asked.
That’s the best part,’ St. Peter replied. ‘You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.
This is Heaven!’
‘No gym to work out at?’ said John
‘Not unless you want to,’ was the answer.
‘No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…’
‘Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.’
John glared at Joy and said, ‘If it wasn’t for you and your bleeding bran flakes we could have been here 10 years ago!’