V1049 Question & Answer

Dumela Gase.

I have a problem that I’m failing to overcome.

I have been in a relationship with this man for 3 and half years and i have a child who is 2 and a half. For the past 2 years he has been cheating with different women; I would confront him, he would admit it and tell me that he has stopped seeing them, I would try to forgive and forget. This January it became extreme to an extent that he was not even hiding it. I have been trying to forget about him since he has even stopped being intimate. The relationship is really not working, but I can’t let go. I still love him though he is treating me badly. The emotional abuse is just too much for me.Please help me; I want to let go and move on with my life.

Women in this country generally accept emotional abuse from their partners as part of the package.

Your situation is a very common one.

It all boils down having a whole lot of love for someone even if he treats you like a doormat…and that’s a real pity.

This guy has been cheating on you and has even gotten to a point where he’s no longer hiding it.

He’s no longer intimate with you.

In your opinion, are these the actions of someone who loves you or have you taken a decision to hang on to someone who no longer cares about you?

You say the emotional abuse is just too much for you but I believe you still want some more, that’s why you can’t let go.

Do you perhaps enjoy being the victim and playing for sympathy?

Believe me, when you’ve had enough of the abuse and are truly convinced that the relationship is just not working, you will not need my help to let go…you will walk away all by yourself and never look back!

Many women stay in abusive relationships for the sake of the children.

Could it be that you’re still hanging onto the relationship simply because he’s the father of your child?

If you want to let go and move on with your life but can’t because you love him even if he abuses you, could it be you love this guy more than you love yourself?

It’s not my place to judge you but I really wonder about you.Your toddler needs you to be there for him/her 100%, i.e. not just physically but mentally and emotionally too, and you can’t do that in your current state.

Have you thought about how all this may be affecting your child?

Maybe somewhere deep inside you, you’re hoping he’ll change.

Could it be you’re willing to wait indefinitely for that change?

When you speak with him about all this emotional abuse, what does he have to say about it?

I suggest that you talk to a counsellor to help you through this problem.