I have been in a committed relationship for almost five years and we have a two-year-old son together.
About a year ago I caught up with an old school friend who I knew when I was 16. Back then we had a thing for each other, but after school went our separate ways and never kept in touch.
Seeing him again I got immediate butterflies in my stomach and felt like I was a teenager again. We enjoyed reminiscing and had a great time together.
We remained ‘just friends’ for months and then he confessed that he was in love with me.
We decided to stop talking to each other, so things wouldn’t go any further and it wouldn’t destroy my family.
He agreed because he said that it was breaking his heart that he couldn’t have me. But I missed him so much and realised that I’m probably in love with him, too.
He makes me feel really happy.
My boyfriend makes me happy as well, but in a comfortable, routine sort of way.
He’s a great provider, but he is not very romantic, spontaneous, or adventurous in any way.
We have discussed ways to spice things up, but nothing changes.
My girlfriends all tell me that I wouldn’t be interested in another man if something wasn’t missing in my relationship.
I don’t know what to do? Should I tell my boyfriend that it’s over?
I can understand why your ex doesn’t want to get more involved because it must hurt that he can’t have you.
I think your girlfriends are right – this guy coming back into the picture has heightened all the faults in your relationship with your boyfriend.
It’s great that you’ve met someone who’s a good provider, but if the spark isn’t there anymore, then it’s simply not enough.
There are some that might subscribe to the view that having made your bed, you now just have to lie on it and continue to the commitment of your current relationship and its responsibilities.
But if there is no belongingness in a relationship, it begins to feel like bondage, especially if you and your current partner do not share a common goal.
And it is possible to meet someone who can take care of his family and also has that chemistry with you.
Do you want to end up marrying someone you sound so bored with already?
I think you’re frightened to leave and, of course, it’s a huge decision that will impact on your son.
But whether it works out with your old school friend or not, you’re clearly unhappy in your current relationship.
The fact that you’ve discussed it and nothing’s changed does not bode well for the future.
I think you know deep down that, whatever happens, you have to move on from this relationship.
You cannot have both and it is better to be loyal in one relationship than cheat on both.
It is no good to hurt two people at the same time.