Home » Ask Gase » ASK GASE 30/05/2014

White-BoyfriendMY WHITE BOYFRIEND THINKS I’M A SERIAL WHITE-GUY-DATER

DEAR GASE,

I am a 22-year-old girl dating a French guy.

Recently he found out that my last three exes were white and he is making it a big deal.

He says our relationship is based on race but I feel we have something special and I really love this guy.

How do I explain to him that what we have is real? Please help.

GASE SAYS…

You say that you really love this guy well, that’s a plus because it makes it much easier to prove to him that the relationship is all about love, and not the colour of his skin.

But you can’t blame anyone for asking if it’s a coincidence or a calculated move.

After all he is number four in the sequence of white guys you have dated.

Whatever the case may be, only you will know if your feelings for him are real, and unless he has reason to doubt your love, I don’t see why he should make a big deal of the fact that your last three exes were white.

I know some girls feel that white guys are more thoughtful and sincere than our black brothers, but that is not a theory I have personally had to put to the test.

What I can say is that communication is always the best way to sort out such matters therefore, you need to discuss the problem in an honest and open manner so that you can find a solution.

You say that you feel that the two of you have something special.

Well, let him know! Pour out your feelings straight from the heart. If you’re genuine, he will be able to see it and understand that your love is not just skin deep.

If he still has issues with this matter, then there is no point in pursuing a relationship where one person does not trust the other.

In that case dump him and move onto the next ……. guy.

CAN’T SATISFYBOTH MY LOVER AND HUSBANDCheater

DEAR GASE..

I am a young lady aged 30 and I have been married for seven years.

My husband cheated on me twice and then asked for forgiveness.

A few months later, after forgiving my husband, I also cheated on him with a guy who is not married but has a girlfriend.

I love this guy with all my heart.

I don’t love my husband anymore but I don’t want a divorce.

My husband loves me and is doing everything to make me happy.

The problem is that I cannot make my husband happy because the love that I have for this new boyfriend is growing bigger every day.

Please help me – I don’t want to lose this new boyfriend but I also want to keep my marriage.

GASE SAYS,

First of all, if you and this new boyfriend of yours had any future together you wouldn’t both be clinging to other people.

Why do you want to keep your marriage if you don’t love your husband anymore and cannot make him happy?

You need to make up your mind as to which one of the two men you truly want to be with – you’re not going to have meaningful and lasting relationships with both men at the same time.

Does your new boyfriend love you enough to leave his girlfriend, or are you content to be each other’s friend with benefits?

Think things through and remember the grass always looks greener on the other side, but people are often disappointed to find the exact opposite when they get there.

Your affection for your new boyfriend may be giving you a false sense of comfort.

It’s quite possible he’s just going along with you because you have a husband who takes good care of you financially, which leaves him free to take care of your physical needs.

Be careful and ensure that this guy is going to be worth destroying your marriage over.

When people cheat they always run the risk of being found out – are you sure that this new boyfriend of yours will still want you should your husband catch you cheating and divorce you?

In the end it’s your life and the final decision rests with you.

As they say in English “You make your bed, then you lie in it.”

I can only give advice, or suggest if you are really that confused you go for counselling.

My son is against my new man

DEAR GASE..

I am mother with a 6-year-old son, but have recently broken up with his dad.

I am in a new relationship and we are living together, but my son is really against this new man even though he tries his best to be a father to him.

My son is devoted to his dad and I don’t really know how to talk to him about this new man in our lives without him getting upset that I have replaced his dad.

The other problem is that his dad wants to keep in constant contact even though he is unable to take my son to live with him even if I were to agree to that.

How do I solve this problem?

GASE SAYS,

Your son is only six and things may be moving a little too fast for him.

He’s devoted to his dad, so obviously the thought of a ‘new father’ is not one he’d be willing to entertain.

No matter how much of a father your partner tries to be, he’s not your son’s dad something that your son understands perfectly.

Parents have a habit of making family decisions without bothering to find out how the children feel about a particular issue, particularly if the children are as young as your son.

This is a mistake that you and your ex may have made by assuming that your son is ‘too young to understand.’

Well, of course he is too young to understand a lot of the ‘adult stuff,’ but he does need you to sit him down and explain to him why mom and dad have to stay apart and why there’s a new daddy in his life.

He’s just a child, so be patient and give him time – he’ll come round when he realizes that no one is trying to come between him and his dad.

That your ex wants to be in constant contact with his son is only natural at the same time he should not overdo things.

He needs to give you and your partner the time and space to be good parents…especially since he is unable to take the boy to live with him.

You need to consider what is in the best interests of the child and accommodate everyone’s needs.

As you say, you don’t want to lose your boy…but do remember that your ex also has an unbreakable bond with his son.

You need to agree on how much quality time would be reasonable for them to spend together.

Should discussions not yield the desired results, seek the help of family elders, social workers, counsellors, your pastor (if you belong to a church), or Childline Botswana, as this matter involves a minor.


White-Boyfriend

White-Boyfriend

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