Home » Ask Gase » ASK GASE 02.05.2014

MY MAN STILL KEEPS IN TOUCH WITH HIS WIFE

ManDEAR GASE,
I’ve been in a relationship my boyfriend for almost three years but he is still married.

His wife left him and their children and I started helping him with the kids.

After a while, we fell in love and moved in together.

At the beginning, he was amazing but now he acts like I don’t even exist.

We constantly fight because of his wife they are always talking secretly on the phone and he lies about things they discuss.

If I mention her name or say I don’t like them talking for any other reason than the kids, he gets really defensive.

She doesn’t live in this country any more and I do everything for him and his children.

I love him very much and all I want is to be loved back, like I was in the beginning. Please help!

GASE SAYS..

She walked out on him, so he might still have feelings for her and may even be hoping that they could get back together at some point.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think you should be very careful that you’re not being used.

The impression I’m getting is that he’s not over her and is hanging on to see if his wife changes her mind.

The fact they aren’t divorced yet after three years also seems to suggest that it’s not over for him.

You say his wife is living in another country so for him it might well be a case of, ‘If you can’t love the one you want, love the one you’re with.’

But what would happen if she returned to this country?

You need to be direct with him and say that, while you love him, you are not prepared to wait around while he decides what he wants to do.

And get him to be honest with you ask him if he still loves his wife.

If he can’t give you the commitment that you’re craving, then you have to think seriously about whether you are prepared to stick around.
I FEEL LEFT OUT AS MY FRIENDS  TALK ABOUT SEX ALL THE TIMEYoung-women
DEAR GASE,

I’m and 17-year-old girl and still a virgin.

I would actually be OK with that if it weren’t for the fact that my friends all talk about their sexual exploits and I feel really left out.

I’ve never had a serious relationship so I’m completely inexperienced when it comes to sex.

Maybe I need to find some new friends what would you suggest?

GASE SAYS..

Good on you! In the society we live in now many teenagers start having sex way too young and there’s a lot of peer pressure to do the same.

And some of those teens will end up with two kids by the time they’re your age!

I think it’s refreshing and sensible that you’re not going to jump into bed with someone until it feels right for you and you’re absolutely right not to feel pressured by your friends.

When they’re talking about their exploits, I don’t think they’re deliberately leaving you out.

In fact, they probably don’t realise you’re feeling sidelined.

If you don’t want to bring it up with them, then direct the conversation to other things I’m sure they don’t talk about sex all the time.

Don’t feel you have to justify your decision.

You’ll know it’s the right time when the right person comes along.

BOYFRIEND IS A FLIRT

DEAR GASE,

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for seven months and it feels like we are in love, but the other night a friend said he was asking her strange questions.

Apparently, he was asking her things like, ‘Would you go out with me if I was single?’ and ‘What do you think of my body and looks?’

I love my boyfriend, but I’m scared now that he may fancy my friend. Should I be worried?

GASE SAYS..

Yes, I’d definitely be worried about how committed he is to you if he’s coming on this heavily with other girls.

He’s not that clever, either, if he’s talking like that to your friends and thinking they’re not going to tell you what he’s been up to!

Challenge him and see what he’s got to say for himself.

In my opinion, he’s either not taking your relationship seriously (and definitely not as seriously as you are) or he’s incredibly insecure and is looking for reassurance from other girls.

He clearly thinks he can get away with flirting so blatantly with your friends, so you need to show him you’re not stupid and tell him you won’t stick around if he carries on doing it.

AfraidAFRAID TO TALK TO GIRLS

DEAR GASE,

I’m extremely shy in front of girls and can’t summon up the confidence to talk to them, even at school.

My friends have told me to ‘get a life, be a man and talk to girls,’ but I find this is a lot easier said than done. Can you help?

GASESAYS..

First of all, you’re not alone in this.

I get many letters from teenage boys with exactly the same problem, so don’t let your friends make you feel bad.

My advice is to stop thinking of talking to girls in terms of being flirtatious just talk to them as you would talk to your friends.

Most girls see through predictable chat-up lines and compliments anyway.

If to begin with you only get as far as “hello” that’s fine.

The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become to develop the conversation.

Try not to worry about what your friends are doing.

We all have at least one friend who is super-confident and charming and can talk to anyone, so don’t overthink it.

After you’ve said “hello” just see where the conversation takes you.

 

 


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