Home » Ask Gase » ASK GASE 18.04.2014

CoupleWORRIED MY DREAM MAN WILL CHEAT ON ME

DEAR GASE,

I have met the man of my dreams and we have been together about two months.

The trouble is, I have great difficulty in trusting new people as I’ve been cheated on in the past.

Each time my boyfriend is away from me I become really suspicious.

I have not said anything about this as I don’t want him to think that I’m obsessive.

I don’t want to let go of him, but I can’t get these thoughts out of my head.

What do you advise?

GASE SAYS..

If you’ve been cheated on it does make you insecure when starting new relationships.

Cheating and infidelity are two of the most common relationship breakers, but their effects linger long after the relationship is gone.

Don’t let these feelings get out of control because neediness, possessiveness and jealousy are all very unattractive qualities and those are the things that will ultimately threaten your relationship.

You can’t distrust everyone because of what your ex did, but without being willing and ready, you won’t move forward.
Don’t allow yourself to be sucked into a cloud of negativity and don’t spoil the potential of something great because of someone else’s mistake.

Realise that relationships do work out, and not every man will be a cheater. Try to enjoy this exciting time with your new boyfriend and see where it leads.

I’M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIENDBest-Friends

DEAR GASE,
I’m a 15-year-old boy and I’m in love with my best friend.

I tried to tell her how I feel in the past, but she seems not to have understood.

Now, though, my feelings are stronger and I don’t know what to do about it. I want to be with her more than anything else.

I worry that if I tell her how I feel and finally get through to her this time, it’ll destroy our friendship if she takes it the wrong way.

Even if there is no chance of being with her I want us to stay friends.

Do you know what I can do to let her know I’m in love with her?

GASE SAYS..

I think you might have to make your feelings clear so that she can’t misinterpret what you say.

But tell her that if she doesn’t feel the same way, then you would still like to remain friends and that you just wanted her to know how you feel.

Sometimes at your age embarrassment can make it tricky for you to be friends again, so you have to be prepared for that.

You also need to accept that if she doesn’t feel the same way, she might meet a boy in the future and you’ll have to handle that.

Relationships are a central part of teenage life.

They are ever-present and they are generally always on the mind of most 15-year-olds. It’s those hormones at work, always surfacing at inappropriate times. It is the nature of teenagers.

I know that the older generation fear that sex and teenagers go hand in hand, but statistics show that in Botswana first time sex amongst males of you age is less than 10% – so don’t feel that you are in the minority and are losing out sexually.

Generally 15-year-old boys don’t carry condoms around, and 15-year-old girls don’t have prescriptions for the pill.

You’re very young and have plenty of time ahead to have girlfriends. But if you really love someone and you don’t know if they feel the same way, that’s tough at any age.

WomenLOOKING FOR MY MISSING DAD

DEAR GASE,

For the past four years I’ve been trying to find my dad, but I’ve had no luck whatsoever.

Everything I’ve tried has failed and it’s left me wondering if there is any point in carrying on with my search.

He left when I was just one year old and hasn’t even bothered sending birthday or Christmas cards over the years.

The trouble is, I have so many questions I want to ask him.
What should I do now?

GASE SAYS..
First of all, you don’t mention your mum, so I’m assuming that she’s not a part of your life, either, or else neither she nor your relatives have any information that can help you.

If you really have tried everything, then he obviously doesn’t want to be found.

As sad as that is, sometimes you have to come to terms with that, otherwise it could really affect the rest of your life.

I would write the letter you would send to him if you had his contact details.

Put all your feelings down and all the questions you want to ask, then seal it and put it away.

Sometimes, if you can’t speak to someone, it’s a good wayof getting all your feelings out rather than keeping them inside.

YOU SAY
“To the woman worried that her boyfriend does not want to divorce his wife because he is afraid of upsetting her (Voice last week), I know how you feel.

I was in a similar position and had frequent arguments with my boyfriend over the issue. In the end I solved the problem by getting him to‘marry’his son in an agreement we made at the customary court. Sue, by email


Couple

Couple

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