SHOULD I ASK MY BOYFRIEND FOR MONEY?
I have been in a relationship with a guy for 10 months now.
We both live in Francistown and I am a student at one of the secondary schools here.
From my upbringing I was not taught to depend on a guy to do everything for me, and that’s that.
I don’t expect my boyfriend to pay for my hair, my nails, buy me clothes, pay for my entertainment and transport, or give me pocket money and all those things.
I believe in being my own woman, providing for myself and being independent.
Now my friends really think I am being stupid and crazy just because I don’t ask my boyfriend all those things. Am I normal, or crazy? Please help me.
If your pals want to treat their boyfriends as ATM machines that is there business.
You need not give in to peer pressure if you know it’s not what you want.
I have always believed that money can’t buy love, and your determination to be ‘your own woman’ would suggest that you feel the same way although you don’t actually mention love in your letter.
There are never any guarantees that you are always going to have a man in your life.
Who provides for your friends’ material needs when they’re in-between relationships?
You can be certain that in such instances, they are going to have to do something drastic (e.g. selling their bodies) in order to maintain their lifestyles.
It also begs the question of what their boyfriends expect in return for the financial favours they are willing to pop out.
Treating a relationship as a ‘trade exchange’ has never been a good idea and it never will be.
Yes, you can accept to be pampered and showered with gifts if that is what your boyfriend wants to do this is very different from you expecting him to provide for all your financial and material needs as if he’s your dad or ‘sugar’ dad.
Always remember to go with your gut feeling if it doesn’t feel right to you, it probably isn’t!
So stick with what you want for yourself and not what your friends want for you.
If you want a secure future you should not depend on men to give it to you. Right now what you need to do is focus on your studies.
That way you’ll stand a better chance for a fulfilling career of your choice wherever your skills, talent and passion take you.
I’m sure you don’t want a life full of regrets when you’re older, so now is the time to wise up and make good (and informed) decisions that will secure you a bright future.
Replying to the letter from the young woman concerned about asking her boyfriend for money got me thinking about ladies who have earned themselves the title of ‘gold digger.’
Of course some men get a kick out of dating such a person it says something about their status that woman are even out to dig for their gold.
And there is something satisfying about it being so easy to make a woman happy: just buy her stuff. No emotional complications involved.
But if your really in it for love here are five tips to tell if your woman is much more interested in spending quality time with your wallet than with you.
1. HER HEART’S NOT IN IT
When you give her something sentimental that doesn’t cost much, but reminds you of a special time together, or you write her a love poem, she might give you a blank look or turn her nose up at the gift.
She would’ve just preferred it if you bought her a pair of expensive earrings.
The gold digger is eager for gifts that are caked with money, instead of sentimental value.
2. HER FRIENDS ARE GOLD DIGGERS
As the saying goes, you can tell a lot about someone from the company they keep.
If your girlfriend spends time with other women who seem to show signs of being gold diggers, or you’ve heard gossip about their behaviour, chances are she could well be influenced by their tendencies.
3. SHE SEES YOU AS AN ATM MACHINE
Your girlfriend has been interested in hearing about your career and financial status from day one.
Though you might mistake her curiosity for interest in your life, she’s probably checking you out to ensure you will be able to pay her way through the relationship.
Then when it comes to putting her hand into her own pocket, like paying the bill for a meal, she pretends it doesn’t exist.
It’s always up to you to settle it – she never offers to even pay a part. As far as getting out money is concerned, you’re the man for the job.
4. SHE’S OVER CONCERNED ABOUT KEEPING UP APPEARANCES
The gold digger craves high status, thinking that she can gain it by how she looks and dresses.
She’ll regularly ignore people whom she perceives as having an inferior position in life, like those without money or working in a menial job.
homeless or those working in service jobs.
On dates, she’s more likely to appear impressed if men tell her they own an expensive car than if they mention that they help out at soup kitchens on Sundays.
In fact, looking back on her relationship history, you’re likely to find that each guy she’s dated has been richer than the last.
You’re her promotion to a more fabulous, expensive life.
NO.1 SHE HAS A SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
Since she craves status and doesn’t have long-term goals, the gold digger walks around feeling entitled to the good life without feeling any need to lift a diamond-encrusted finger to achieve it.