Home » Ask Gase » ASK GASE 24.01.14

HE DOESN’T SATISFY OR CARE ABOUT ME

sleepingDEAR GASE,

Gase my relationship is a mess.

My boyfriend never listens to me when I tell him that I am not sexually satisfied.

All he does is put his penis in me then within a minute ejaculates. I don’t love him anymore.

I am staying with him and I have nowhere else to go because my family dislikes me so much that they ended up bad mouthing me to him.

Now when I try to talk to him he tells me that ‘ga ana sepe lenna’ (he doesn’t care about me) and whatever decision I want to make regarding our relationship is okay with him. Please help.

DEAR SIR,
Your boyfriend never listens to you when you tell him you’re not satisfied sexually because it’s over for him within a minute.

In short he couldn’t care less about your feelings. It looks very much like the sex is all about him and you’re just a tool to use for his sexual gratification.

The worst thing you can ever do in a relationship is to continue to be with someone when the love is gone.

This guy has told you that ga ana sepe le wena (he doesn’t care about you) and whatever decision you take regarding your relationship is okay by him.

What he’s basically saying is ‘get lost.’

That pretty much spells it out for you, doesn’t it?

You say you don’t love him anymore and the only reason you’re still at his place is because you have nowhere else to go is that really the case?

If you’re still at his place only because you need accommodation well my dear, you’ve made your bed and you should lie on it…literally.

You will get out of there the day you decide you can no longer bear the stress of a loveless relationship.

If your immediate family dislikes you as you say they do, and you can’t go back home, what about extended family and/or friends?

Don’t you have a friend or a cousin/aunt/uncle kind enough to put you up while you look for a place to stay?

I can only help you face the facts and rethink the issue/s but YOU have to decide what it is you want to do with your life.

Give this matter some more thought and if you’re still confused about what to do, seek counselling.

Lifeline Botswana and Heart & Hands of Compassion have counsellors that you can talk to and help you weigh up your options.

MY HUSBAND’S GIRLFRIEND KEEPS VISITINGmy-husband

DEAR GASE,
 Please I need your help. I am a 30-year-old married lady and have been married for two years now.

The problem or challenge I have is that since last year my husband’s girlfriend has been visiting for quite some time.

The last time she came she spent 5 days with us.

They have a daughter together.

We stay with the child, she’s 10-years old and I love her so much…I just take her as my own.

And now the mother has arrived again but I was not told she was coming and would be spending some nights with us.

I have to cook for them while they are busy chatting in the sitting room.

I tried to be nice but it’s stressing me.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being selfish. I need your advice please…

GASE SAYS,
I take that by ‘husband’s girlfriend’ you mean ex-girlfriend. What is wrong with you woman?

Your man’s former lover comes into your home and spends days there and your husband doesn’t even bother to tell you when she’s coming!

As if that isn’t enough, you have to cook for them while they enjoy a chat in the living room.

They’re treating you like a maid and you go along with it I guess because you’re trying to keep your marriage intact at all costs.

You shouldn’t do that because it’s going to backfire on you one day.

You’ve said it yourself that you ‘tried to be nice’ but the situation is ‘stressing you’ – there’s no surprises there!

There’s a thin line between being nice and being foolish.

That child’s mother is not the one who’s raising her…you are.

Your husband has to realize that you must have a say in the way the child is being brought up in your home.

He has to realize that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.

You also need to come out and say what you like and what you don’t like about how your home is run.

If you don’t discuss your issues with your husband, then you shouldn’t blame him and his ex for thinking you enjoy being treated like a doormat!

You must tell him that his ex spending time in your home bothers you.

I’m sure if you two discuss this like mature adults you will be able to resolve the issue.

Maybe your husband can arrange for the child to spend holidays or some weekends at her mother’s, so that his ex doesn’t have to frequent your home to check on the child.

Tell him also that you’re no longer going to play chef to his ex, and that the least she can do when she’s visiting is have the decency to help out in the kitchen.

The fact that you’re raising her child like your very own is proof enough that you’re a nice person you don’t need to bend over backwards to prove how nice you are!
 
Reading-textWHY IS HE TEXTING HIS EX?

DEAR GASE,
I was with my boyfriend for eight months until he became friendly with another girl.

He left me for her but they only dated for about a week.

He kept telling his family that he missed me, so, three months later, I agreed to get back together with him and we’ve now been seeing each other for almost two months.

He hasn’t talked to this other girl since we became a couple again and he’s constantly saying how much he missed me.

However, over the Christmas holidays he texted her to wish her a happy new year.

Should I be concerned that he might strike up a relationship with her again? I’ve been told she has a boyfriend now.

Gase says..
If she has a boyfriend and he’s back with you, then there is absolutely no need for them to keep in touch.

It’s not as if they’ve been friends for years they had a fling, which left you very hurt.

Why is he putting more strain on your relationship by contacting this girl?

If he missed you so much and realised leaving you was a huge mistake, then he should be doing his utmost to make things up to you.

And he should start by cutting all ties with this girl.

You’ve given him another chance, so the least he can do is put this relationship behind him.

If he can’t do that, then you should tell him to go off with this girl and allow you to move on and find someone who will respect you and treat you better.

WHERE TO GET HELP 

Lifeline Botswana – 3911290 (Face-to-face Counselling), 3911270 (Telephone Counselling)

Childline Botswana – 3900900 (Children’s Issues, Counselling, Parenting Skills)

Men’s Clinic – 3909402 (Male Sexual Health)
Heart & Hands of Compassion – 73516022 (Face-to-face Counselling)

BOSASNet – 3959119/72659891 (Substance Abuse Education, Prevention & Rehabilitation)

BOCAIP – 3916454 (Counselling, HIV Testing, Care & Support)

Ipoletse HIV/AIDS Call Centre – Toll Free Numbers 0800 600 700 / 711600

CEYOHO – 3919958/71763659 (Counselling, HIV Stigma Reduction, Behaviour Change, Health Education and Support for Young People)

Women Against Rape – 6860865 (Counselling, Legal Aid, Emergency Shelter)

Kagisano Women’s Shelter Project – 3907658/9, 3900516 (Counselling, Medical & Legal Aid Support for Women and Children affected by Domestic Violence)

 

 

 


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