I have been dating this guy for three months but am starting to think that I made a mistake.
I fell for him because he was attractive, made me laugh, sounded smart and at the time I thought he had all the right attributes.
I have now realized that he’s actually annoying rather than funny; he drives a fast car and likes to zip in and out of traffic at high speed.
He honks at other drivers impatiently and insults them for driving too slowly.
He’s rude to cashiers and security guards at supermarkets and likes to throw parties at his house, where he’s always bragging about his education, his work and his possessions.
Though he has a good job that pays well, he’s not wealthy and I’m worried that his lavish lifestyle will land him in debt because he likes to impress his friends.
All this show-off is very embarrassing and stressful for me because I know he sometimes has to get a loan from the bank just to keep up the ‘image.’
I’m really worried and have even thought of leaving him. What should I do? Please help!
Sounds like you’re dating a jerk! The best thing to do would be to sit him down and talk to him tell him frankly how his behaviour makes you feel.
If he truly loves you he’ll listen and try to make amends, and maybe your relationship will have a fighting chance.
If he is unable or unwilling to take an honest look at himself, be prepared for disappointment because you’re not going to convince him to change.
If he changes at all, that decision is going to come from him at his own time.
Nobody is naturally a jerk, although your man is doing his best to behave like one.
Perhaps his eagerness to impress comes from a deep-seated insecurity.
But now that you have seen beyond the initial attraction, you have to look deeper to find a reason to continue the relationship.
Think about what you really want and need from a relationship and don’t compromise.
It is a journey from the unreal to the real, and for that you will have to go by way of the heart.
I’m 17 and my parents got divorced last year.
My mum has started seeing a man who has been a family friend for years. She seems happy enough, but I really don’t like him.
He doesn’t make any effort with me or my little brother.
He has two children and his daughter is in the year above me at school, which is really awkward.
I’ve never liked her and she’s really rude to me but when I tell my mum she tells me not to worry and I get the impression she thinks I’m just being immature.
I’m really not happy and I just want to leave home, but I don’t have a job or anywhere to go. Please help.
Getting used to a step dad or mum can be really tough especially if you are still close to the parent who is no longer living with you.
Everybody has to get used to the new situation and deal with the accompanying emotions and logistics of blending with a new family.
So my advice would be to just give it time.
I think you need to be a bit nicer about things too.
You say your mum’s boyfriend doesn’t make an effort but perhaps he senses you don’t like him and is just keeping his distance.
Remember, there will come a time when you’ll leave home and find love and a life of your own.
Surely then you’ll want your mum to be happy and have somebody in her life?
I do feel for you because I know these situations are hard, but there are ways to make them easier if everybody just tries to get along.
I am 35 years old, I’ve never been married and I’ve never had a long-term girlfriend.
I have been watching porn for about four years and over the past couple of years I have started to watch it intensively.
It has become my main interest in life and is even affecting my work as I find it hard to concentrate on anything else.
I am concerned that my boring lifestyle is leading me to become addicted to porn and that it will affect my sex life in the future.
How can I break this habit?
You will probably overcome your porn habit when you meet someone you want to be with.
It probably started as a way of finding satisfaction because sex is an area of your life that’s missing at the moment and you can enjoy looking at porn privately without any inhibitions or responsibility.
But if you’re saying you cannot go a day without watching it, then it could be an addiction.
If something is starting to take over your life affecting your work, your relationships and so on then it is a problem and you are right to address it.
You can seek counselling for any type of addiction. Please check the list included in my column.
You also have to be realistic in your expectations of a relationship when you are involved in one it won’t be like a porn film.
But I am convinced that if you allow yourself to get out and be more sociable and if you do meet someone you really like, the porn will start to take a back seat
WHERE TO GET HELP
- Lifeline Botswana - 3911290 (Face-to-face Counselling), 3911270 (Telephone Counselling)
- Childline Botswana - 3900900 (Children’s Issues, Counselling, Parenting Skills)
- Men’s Clinic - 3909402 (Male Sexual Health)
- Heart & Hands of Compassion – 73516022 (Face-to-face Counselling)
- BOSASNet - 3959119/72659891 (Substance Abuse Education, Prevention & Rehabilitation)
- BOCAIP - 3916454 (Counselling, HIV Testing, Care & Support)
- Ipoletse HIV/AIDS Call Centre - Toll Free Numbers 0800 600 700 / 711600
- CEYOHO - 3919958/71763659 (Counselling, HIV Stigma Reduction, Behaviour Change, Health Education and Support for Young People)
- Women Against Rape - 6860865 (Counselling, Legal Aid, Emergency Shelter)
- Kagisano Women’s Shelter Project - 3907658/9, 3900516 (Counselling, Medical & Legal Aid Support for Women and Children affected by Domestic Violence)