Dear Gase,

I have been with my girlfriend for over two years now.

When I met her she was a bank teller, she then enrolled to study at a tertiary institution, where she had to rewrite some of her exam papers for nearly two years in a row.

During that process I was there for her, helping to pay forth ere writes as well as her accommodation since Government sponsorship had been discontinued.

Now that the girl has got a well-paying job she doesn’t care for me like she used to.

I relocated to be near her but for some reason it’s even

difficult for her to visit me yet I visit her every weekend.

This stresses me especially because she no longer does the things she used to do, like cooking… to the extent that at one point when I asked her to cook she asked me if I had ever bought any food!

I really need help from you as I’m stressed a lot.

Now even making love is a huge problem for me because

she’s always angry and never agrees with me.

When I asked her if she wants out she doesn’t say a word.

I love her and I want to marry her but she is making everything difficult for me.

Gase says…

Your girlfriend behaves very much like someone who wants out of the relationship…but you don’t need to guess what could be going on in her mind…you must get it from the horse’s mouth.

It’s time for her to talk to you frankly about the state of your relationship; it’s time she explained to you why she

doesn’t seem to care about you as much as she used to. Is it because having a good job means she doesn’t need your support anymore?

Only by sitting her down and having an honest discussion with her can you find that out, along with answers to your other burning questions.

Listen carefully to what she has to say and let her speak without interruptions until she has said it all out.

Tell me though, if she doesn’t want to cook, why can’t you 

cook for yourself? Do you take turns cooking or are you one of those men who believe cooking is a woman’s job?

And why on earth would she be so rude as to ask you if you bought any food? Do you ever buy food or do you expect her to buy it and then cook for you?

Even if you do buy the food, it doesn’t give you the right to turn her into your personal chef.

The next time you ask her if she wants out of the  relationship, do not let the matter rest until you get an answer, because you really need to know.

It’s not fair of her

to just keep quiet and continue to keep you in suspense…

she’s the one who knows what the problem is, so she must come out and say it when you ask.

If she loves you back, surely she’ll understand that the stress is not good for you? 

Have a heart to heart talk with her to sort out this matter before  you seriously consider marrying, otherwise you’ll be setting yourself up for an unhappy marriage and an even more stressful life.

To relieve your stress talk to someone you can trust…like a close friend; as the saying goes, “A problem shared is a problem halved”.

If you feel you’re still not coping and need more help, talk to a counsellor.

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