Home » Ask Gase » ASK GASE 07.12.12

WHEN TWO’S COMPANY AND THREE’S A CROWD

Dear Gase,
I have a newly acquired girlfriend who nI would like to spend some quality time with. Trouble is it is proving difficult to be alone with her because every time we are supposed to meet for a date she brings her girlfriend along.

Tell me – why do girls do that without any prior arrangement?

Gase says..
If your girlfriend is in the habit of bringing her friends along when you want the two of you to enjoy quality time by yourselves, then ask her why she’s doing it…that’s the surest way to get an answer to your question!

I can only speculate based on some stories I’ve heard about girls/women ba ba kgokolosang banna (girls/women who use guys for money); it is common knowledge that some girls/women expect their dates to pay for drinks for the entire unexpected entourage.

Guys have only themselves to blame for this sorry state of affairs because they often oblige and will not put their foot down and’ refuse to pay for extra people who just pitch up without any prior agreement…maybe because they’re desperate to impress, or for fear of being labelled as ‘stingy’.

Some of course possibility do it innocently – assuming that there’s nothing wrong with their friends tagging along, and therefore expect the guy to just accept that it’s part of the dating game.

Either that or your ‘newly acquired’ girlfriend is still assessing the risk factor involved in developing a relationship with you

I JUST DON”T KNOW WHAT TO DO

I just don’t know what to do

Dear Gase,
I’m a 22-year-old guy and I really need your help because my world appears to be falling apart.

I have been single for some time but two months ago I met this beautiful, caring and loving girl and we just started spending time together…sharing jokes and teasing each other.

It was so great and we both loved it. The problem is that she has a boyfriend, but that spark and feeling they once had for each other does not exist anymore.

She seems to be in a dilemma and scared of breaking up with the guy because their siblings know about their relationship; you know how it is in the villages.

When the other boyfriend saw my text messages he started proposing marriage and even told the girl’s parents that he wants to marry her early next year.

I think the guy is pressurising her to go through with it because right now she’s confused and just too emotional. Even though I was deeply in love with this girl, I thought it best to break up with her.

Now she calls and sends text messages everyday but I have since stopped taking her calls and replying to her messages because I don’t know what to say or do.

I’m really hurting and becoming desperate with each day that passes as I don’t want to lose her.

What should I do? I need help… serious help; please help me before I make things worse.

Gase says..
I’m not in your shoes and can only imagine what it means to love someone the way you say you love this girl, who just happens to be in a relationship with both you and this other guy.

Have you asked yourself if it is really true that ‘the spark and feeling’ she once shared with her boyfriend ‘does not exist anymore’?

Is she really sticking with the guy because she’s ‘afraid’ to break up with him…and what exactly is she afraid of? Their siblings know about the relationship…so what?

Do they run her life and dictate to her who she should love? Does she not have a mind of her own? Is it her boyfriend who’s putting pressure on her, and why is she even confused, if she has no more feelings for him?

Why can’t she open her mouth and say NO, if she has stopped loving the guy and has no desire to marry him?

What about her feelings for you…is it possible to love you and yet be considering another man’s marriage proposal? Much as it hurts, you did well by breaking up with her…at least until this whole mess has been sorted out.

You both need time to recollect and she really does need time to decide who and what she wants.

At some point, after she has had the time she says she needs to ‘think things over,’ you will have to meet with her again so that she can clear some of the mist for you.

While you wait, seek counselling to deal with your hurt and desperation before things get out of hand.

Lifeline Botswana (3911290) or Heart & Hands of Compassion (73516022) would be a good place to start.

Married to the Church

MY WIFE IS MARRIED TO THE CHURCH

Dear Gase,
My wife and I have been married for six years and blessed with two children.

Of late she has left the church we attended with the children and has started going to a new church.

Now she is always going on about ‘the blood of Jesus’ and is constantly criticizing me – she seems to care more of the church than her family.

Sundays, she leaves home 9am and will not return until 6pm.

Anytime the pastor has to travel, it’s church members who have to foot up the bill and contributions that my wife make to the church is too much especially when we have bills to pay.

They keep saying ‘give abundantly and you will receive more than you give’ so my wife thinks it is an investment. No matter what I say to her she does not see my side of things and I am fed up.

She feels so insecure even when I am away to the shops; she will not rest until I return and she will be checking her time and start to ask questions.

It was not like that until she went to that church.

I love my wife very much but I feel she is slipping from my hands to the church, this is bringing strain to our relationship and the children have started to notice this which is not healthy, what can I do?

Gase says..
It is normally not easy for a man to pour out his feelings, but for you to come up with your problems shows you love your wife and family and you show concern.

From what you have said about your wife been insecure, I feel maybe that is why she went to church. Since some of these churches tell you what you want hear, they sometimes create the problem for you to depend on them.

Please try and communicate with your wife, reassure her that you love her.

Express your concern about how unhappy you are with the church and that you want her to come back to the family church you all used to go.

This is very delicate situation so be tactful and have patience.


tg14

tg14

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