ASK GASE 19.10.12

My appetite for masturbation is worrying

Dear Gase,

I am a university student aged 20. I have a strong appetite for masturbation and I do it almost three times per day. Watching porn and seeing women in revealing outfits or wearing clothes that expose their panties provokes my hormones. Sometimes while busy with my studies I will just put my books aside to satisfy my craving. Does this mean I am addicted and could it be the root cause of my late ejaculation during sexual intercourse?
More importantly, can continuation with this habit affect my studies in the future?                                                        

Gase says…

Masturbation is a normal, healthy part of human sexuality and is the safest sex of all. You don’t have to worry about catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or pregnancy.

It is possible, however, to become addicted to masturbation and a sign of this is if you feel like you’re losing control, or the need to masturbate is interfering with your everyday life or is taking the place of sex in a loving relationship.

If you do it excessively to the point of setting aside your studies just to masturbate, this really is a cause for concern as very soon masturbation may begin to take up more and more of your time, resulting in your studies suffering.

You should have a time for everything. You do not need to give up the practice, but you must learn to set aside your desires and change your thought patterns if they are interfering with your studies -the choice is yours.

Men’s Clinic Botswana specialises in male sexual health and will be able to clearly answer your questions about the link between excessive masturbation and ‘late’ ejaculation. Call them on 3909402 to make an appointment, or just go and see your regular (medical) doctor and s/he will be able to help you or refer you to an expert.

Comments from our facebook page

Mjay Maphosa Morgan: Control your feelings chap. Masturbation is a normal practice to youngsters but it’s a stage that passes. But do not abuse it, once in while, because if you get addicted you will end up doing it anywhere and everywhere.

Baboloki Lekoba: Lad you have no problem, you are merely exploring yourself, and it is safe. What you only need to do is to control and manage it. What do people want you to do, go out there and risk your life? What you need is a managing tool.

Dingiswayo Dixon Munthali: Trash your porn collection, it will trap you and put a very negative perception on how you view females. Meditate on the word of God and practice self control.

Prof-Ricardo Tirelo Setshego: Self-gratification may affect you physically, for example bruises, inflammation and pain. However, there are advantages: you are free from STIs, you are free from girl stress, and it is quick and mind freeing. But let it not be a habit, and please refrain from pornography because you are contaminating your mind. Don’t allow yourself to be isolated, relate and mingle with others and you will surely forget about that habit. Ask help from a counsellor. And study!


Dear Gase,

I’m seeking your help on behalf of a friend.
This is her story:-

  • Her family was once rich and well respected but then things started falling apart. Her parents started fighting, which affected the family finances and their whole relationship.
  • She is 21 years, when she was doing standard 5 she was raped by her cousin but never disclosed it to the parents due to lack of parental care and the bond that is supposed to be there between children and parents.
  • When her parents are stressed they beat her for no apparent reason and that is affecting her greatly.
  • She doesn’t trust anyone enough to disclose what she is going through because she feels there is no need for her to.
  • She got raped again by the cousin when doing standard 7 and since then never referred to herself again as an ANGEL like she used to.
  • When doing form 4 she was this time raped by a stranger when coming from the shops with a cousin who managed to escape and report to the parents then to police. The rapist said they were in love and had agreed to have sex. Her parents did nothing about this and cared not about helping her through those emotional times.
  • She always pretends that everything is fine though bleeding inside
  • She has developed stubbornness in her
  • She feels like she is a burden to her aunt, with whom she is currently staying, who is selfish and makes her work beyond measure. They’re always fighting and the uncle she is working for sometimes uses harsh words on her and she’s very sad about all this.
  • She once tried to commit suicide because she couldn’t take the abuse anymore
  • When she’s angry or hurt she will overspend on chocolates, citric fruits and other foods that she is not supposed to be taking as she has ulcers; it seems to me that she doesn’t care about her health
  • She’s very forgetful
  • She doesn’t socialize as she spends much of her time crying and sleeping

Please help!

Gase says..

Your friend is carrying a very heavy load and needs to talk to a counsellor, who will probably refer her further to be assessed by a psychologist.

Are you saying her parents still beat her up at the age of 21? It looks to me like her family could use some counselling too. It’s really shocking how some families can be so dysfunctional. Why is she still trapped in an abusive family environment at the age of 21? Is it because jobs that pay well are hard to come by and therefore she cannot move out of her aunt’s house?

Your friend may be reckless with her health and cutting herself off from other people because she’s becoming depressed or is already suffering from depression, and needs urgent professional help. Being anti-social and spending a lot of time crying and sleeping is a bad sign, please be a good friend by convincing her to seek help. Lifeline Botswana (3911290) would be a great place to start, as they can find someone who specializes in rape and domestic abuse to talk to her and get her therapy or other assistance she may need. Please stand by her and give her all the support you possibly can; she really needs a friend and will need your support for some time to come. She’s young and still has a whole life ahead of her.


Dear Gase,

Please help -I have a girlfriend who says she loves me yet she refuses to go with me for couples’ counselling and HIV testing. What should I do to convince her so I can get proof that she loves me truly? I really love her.

Gase says…

Why it’s important for couples to test together for HIV or to access counselling services is not rocket science; it’s a very simple thing for anyone in their right mind to understand.
I just wonder why your girlfriend is reluctant to seek counselling or to go with you for an HIV test.
What reason did she give you for refusing to go for the test and/or counselling?
If you two really love each other like you say you do, then testing together for HIV should be a natural next step in your relationship.
Perhaps your girlfriend needs to hear this from someone other than you…show her my response to your letter or ask someone she trusts to talk some sense into her.
In the meantime, I just hope for your sake that you’re not having unprotected sex with someone who doesn’t want to know her HIV status.

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