ASK GASE 21.09.2012

Dear Gase,

I want to know if it is okay for a man to have only one round during sexual intercourse? I think I may have a problem since I seem to feel tired from just one round. What could be the cause for my poor performance?The second question is that my girl friend needs a baby but I suspect my performance will fail us. What can I use to boost my performance?

Gase says..
I cannot give a yes or no answer for your question. Have you discussed this with your partner to find out how she feels about this issue? Some people do not attach that much importance to sex, but rather value companionship and the comfort of knowing there is someone who loves and will be there for them no matter what. For others, sex and the ability to perform many ’rounds’ is everything in a relationship.
Once you have discussed the issue with your partner I suggest that you both make an appointment to see a doctor concerning the medical side of your problem. Your tiredness after just one ’round’ could be due to stress, in which case things should go back to normal once the cause has been removed.
Seeing a doctor about your state of health would also be a good idea if a baby were planned. You and your partner could start with a test for the HIV virus and talk to your doctor about your plans when you both know your status. The doctor will arrange for any other necessary tests and prescribe treatment where required, to safeguard the health of both parents and baby.


I am a lady of 36-years-old involved with a man aged 37. We have been together since 2005 and promised to marry each other. Everything was perfect until last year when he realized he was sick. He got his HIV test and tested positive and I also tested positive. I have supported him from the day he tested, before I myself got tested. I love this man so much – my problem is he wants to break up with me. When I try to visit him he refuses time and again. When I ask him why he wants to break up with me either he doesn’t answer or he says something that doesn’t make any sense. I told him to remember the day we started our relationship, I was HIV negative and now I’m positive, but I’m still around -I haven’t stopped loving him. I am hurting and confused. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

Gase says..
It seems to me your man is just as hurting and perhaps even more confused than you are. You need to give him time to deal with his emotions. Do not put pressure on him because it will only make things worse between the two of you. What he needs is patience, care and support from loved ones so that he can come to terms with what has happened.
Counselling is advisable under the circumstances. The counsellor will ‘walk’ you through your problem until you decide for yourselves your best option. You both need on-going supportive counselling until such time you feel confident that you have overcome your challenges.
There is no way you are going to get him to go for couple counselling if he’s not ready yet, in which case you should go ahead and seek counselling for yourself as you cannot put your own life on hold because of him. You wrote that you’re hurting and confused, which suggests to me that you too need just as much care and support as he does, and counselling will be a good place for you to start. Contact Lifeline Botswana on 3911290 for face-to-face counselling or 3911270 for telephone counselling. You can also seek help from BOCAIP, 3916454.


I am a 24-year-old single, Christian lady hoping to get into a relationship soon. I have over a few years now had feelings for a certain guy who is a year older than me. We are friends and many girls are interested in him, but he is not interested in them – or at least that’s what he told me. 

He never forgets my birthday – he’s always buying me gifts and giving me all the love and support I need. I don’t just like him because of the gifts, but because of the person he is – such a great guy to be around.
The more we spend time together the more I like him. These days I think about him more than ever before. I don’t think this is a crush because these feelings have lasted a long time.
I feel like if he were to find himself a girlfriend it would really hurt me, and I don’t want to be heartbroken.
We do talk about almost everything but one thing that I do not know is what kind of girlfriend he is looking for. He told me some of the qualities but they are too general. He says that he does not want to go deeper on that one because he does not want to corrupt my mind. I wanted him to tell me so that I can see whether or not I qualify.
Should I take a bold step and tell him that I have feelings for him?

Gase says..
It’s time to make a move! Gone are the days when women were expected to wait for men to make the first approach. It’s really up to you to decide if you want the guy badly enough to take that bold step and let him know how you feel about him. He’ll have to tell you how he truly feels about you and that’s the only way you’ll know whether or not there’s any chance for the kind of relationship you want.
You should be curious as to why he’s playing his cards very close to his chest when it comes to the kind of girlfriend he’s looking for. You still don’t have that vital piece of information despite the fact that the two of you do talk about almost everything, and I find that quite surprising. He won’t tell you exactly what kind of girlfriend he’s looking for…because he doesn’t want to corrupt you mind? What on earth has that got to do with corrupting the mind?
Being a Christian, I believe you know your boundaries very well and will abide by the rules, should you and this guy decide to start dating. Good luck.


  • Some of your comments from Facebook

Guffi Gucci Mojoka: Loving someone is not a sin. Just share your feelings dear and stay free instead of bottling things.

Da Real Pantsola Shabani: Show him that you are a real woman who doesn’t hide her feelings and just tell him the truth.

Ineeleng Kebinatshipi: Pray to God nnana and He will show you if he is the right man for you. Be careful because having desires for the opposite sex is sinful. Talk with God. If you are born again pray and God will show you everything. Be blessed Sis.

Boemo’s Sithas Gwaks: Just pray Dear and ask for God’s direction, do not rush things. But I will advise you again not to tell him you love him. If he does feel the same way and he is the one whom God wants you to be with, he will come. It is not ok for a sister to approach a brother. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you. And be careful because this might destroy your friendship. Pray Dear Pray.

Beulah Tsholo Mopako: At one point or another if you have a friend of the opposite sex, and I mean very deep friendship, you share a lot and care too much about each other. You might end up confusing that brotherly/sisterly love for something romantic. You pursue it and it isn’t what you were expecting, you can’t go back to your friendship. So make sure these are romantic feelings.




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