ASK GASE 07.09.2012

  • My child’s father plans to marry another woman

Dear Gase, 

I’m 19 and in love with a guy who is seven years older than me. I thought he was the right person…so loving, so understanding. He offered me a shoulder to lean on and was very protective after I broke up with my previous boyfriend. All of those wonderful things blinded me. A few weeks ago I found out that I was pregnant, and when I told him he informed me that he was engaged. But still he says he loves me. I really love him – please help. What should I do, continue dating an engaged man or part ways?

Gase says..
Your guy sounds very much like a liar. I suspect that to him you are just providing temporary amusement and will remain no more than a side attraction to the main event – his fiancé.
It’s sad that you got pregnant because now you’re probably going to have to raise the child by yourself.
Perhaps in the future you should take your time and not rush into a relationship just because he’s offering a protective shoulder to lean on. Do you really believe that a man who truly loves a woman would abandon her with his unborn child to go and marry someone else?
I can’t advise you to continue dating a man who’s engaged, neither can I tell you to part ways with him. That’s a decision you’re going to have to reach by yourself.
You need to ask this man what he intends doing.
You don’t tell me if you have the support of your parents, and I suspect that you haven’t even told them. Traditionally the two sets of parents need to meet to decide on issues concerning damages.
I suggest you seek professional help and talk to a counsellor. You need a genuine ‘shoulder to lean on,’ to help you deal with the emotional and practical issues involved.
Good luck.

  • Im in love with her mum

Dear Gase,

I’m 26 and broke up with my long-term girlfriend a few years ago.
We’d been together five years and it was a particularly bad break-up, so we haven’t kept in touch since.
I recently bumped into her mum, who I always got on well with and was nice to me when I was with her daughter.
We had a coffee together and, somehow, we ended up sleeping together.
It was extremely intense and, to be honest, the most exciting experience of my life.
I want to see her again but I’m not sure if it is the right thing to do.
Should I get in touch?

Gase says..

No! You’ve been there, which is bad enough, but please don’t go there again. It definitely is NOT the right thing to do.
I can’t even imagine how devastated your ex would be if she found out – she’d feel hurt, humiliated and betrayed.
Sleeping with her mum is crossing a line – and one her mum shouldn’t have crossed either.
I’m hoping you’ll be the mature one here.
For this woman, sleeping with you might have been an ego trip – she loves the fact a young guy finds her attractive.
Think about the fallout from it – do you want to destroy this girl’s relationship with her mum?
Move on.

  • The ex factor

Dear Gase,

I was in a relationship with a lady that I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but things did not go according to my plan because she was cheating on me. I tried asking her to quit what she was doing with the other guy but she refused.
After we split up we did not contact each other. Now six months down the line she has suddenly started calling me again, asking for favours and even reminding me of her birthday due next week
When she calls she asks about my sisters and aunts and wants to know why I’m not calling her, and all sorts of things. I’ve asked my friends and cousins but the answer that they gave me was maybe she wants to come back or maybe she is not happy in her current relationship. Please help – I need to know, what is really her plan?

Gase says..

It looks like she has discovered that the grass wasn’t as green on the other side as she had thought, and now wants to get back with you. She sounds very much like a user who doesn’t see anything wrong with pestering an ex for favours. I bet she’s even hoping to get a birthday gift from you!
The only way to really find out her plan is to have a chat with her to try and get to the truth. I just hope for your sake that she’s not a serial cheater who now wants to cheat on her current boyfriend with an ex.
Of course people do make mistakes they regret, but there appears to be no mention of the word ‘sorry’ in her calls to you.
I’d tread very carefully if I were you before getting intimately involved again.



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  • Torku Makto
    September 8, 2012, 12:10 am

    There is nothing wrong with being the ex’s mother.

  • @tshek
    September 11, 2012, 1:10 pm

    mxm y b in affairs u should be at school building your future next time do nt fall on your back.


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