Hey mme Gase, I’m not feeling too good. My ex (the mother of my child) broke up with me three weeks ago. She just sent me a text message telling me that  its over between us. What the problem was, I have no idea. When I ask her she says she and I are too different in life.

My one big mistake was to ask about her church, which she attends Sunday to Sunday non-stop and did not leave her much time to give me the love I needed, or even to wash my clothes. I’m also concerned that she does not call me like she used to; all she does is send me text messages yet she earns a salary every month. I don’t understand why she can’t even afford P10-00 airtime to call me. Our baby boy is three years old; I really love my son. How do I solve this problem?

It’s possible that she’s been waiting to find a reason to get out of the relationship; that’s why the moment you complained about the Sunday-to-Sunday church that she attends, she immediately called it quits. Maybe she has stopped loving you and just didn’t know how to end the relationship, but ultimately found the courage to tell you, albeit via sms.

You were in a romantic relationship with her, so I can understand why you’re upset that she was not giving you much love and affection; what I do not understand is why you expected her to do your laundry! You have to understand that being the mother of your baby doesn’t automatically turn her into a washing machine. She could do your laundry if it was something she enjoyed and wanted to do for you…otherwise you should have either done your own laundry, taken it to the laundry shop, or hired someone to do it for you.

You say she broke up with you three weeks ago; if you two are no longer in a relationship then surely it’s not surprising that she doesn’t call you or communicate as much as she used to? I’m sure she can afford to buy P10-00 airtime; she just doesn’t want to spend it on calling you…after all you two have broken up. Perhaps she prefers to just sms you because it’s cheaper. Surely that’s not rocket science? The two of you may have a child together but you are no longer in a romantic relationship; why should she call you as much as she used to? At least she makes an effort to communicate, even if she doesn’t call, so why are you complaining so much? What you should do is continue to love your child and take good care of him even if his mother has decided to leave you. Your son is your flesh and blood and if you truly love him like you say you do, nothing and no one can come between you no matter what…just remember that and continue to be a caring father.

If you feel you still need answers from your ex, maybe you should sit her down and have a heart-to-heart with her. If you’re still not satisfied after that perhaps you can ask a trusted elder or friend to mediate…or you can seek counselling for further assistance. If, after that you realize she has really moved on, I suggest you respect her decision and accept that she’s no longer in your life.    

walking-away-gabriela-insuratelu