I have been with my girlfriend of four years and we have a three year old son. There are a lot of differences in our relationship due to the fact that she is so insecure thinking that I’m cheating on her. I’ve got a problem of keeping quiet when I’m hurt, until I come to a point where I feel free to address it. My girlfriend once left me and came back; we talked and put the past behind us. I love her so much that I don’t want to lose her. Can you refer us to someone for counselling in Gaborone?

Lifeline Botswana provides free counselling for all kinds of problems/issues. You can call 3911270 for telephone counselling or 3911290 to make an appointment with a counsellor for face-to-face counselling.

I would like to talk with you by phone. Please send me your contact number/s.
I’m an online counsellor with no phone number for counselling as I do not work full time @ The Voice; but if you want to chat rather than write you can Skype me @ gaizgal. Otherwise, if you really prefer the phone Lifeline Botswana offers telephone counselling. You can call Lifeline Botswana and talk to one of my colleagues at the centre. If it’s face-to-face counselling you want, please feel free to call Lifeline for an appointment. The centre also has a toll-free line that you can access to get help. Call 3911290 for more information.

My girlfriend has serious trust issues. I’ve spoken to her but nothing has changed. Eventually I told her we should part ways but she won’t agree to that. I have now given up and am still with her although I believe we will not make it to our future happiness together.

Why don’t you suggest to her that the two of you make an appointment to talk to a counsellor? If you’ve spoken with her about the problem but nothing has changed then perhaps you must consider getting help from someone who’s impartial, such as a counsellor. You need to be in a relationship that you truly believe in…one that makes you happy and makes you feel you have a future together. If there are serious trust issues they need to be addressed ‘as soon as yesterday’, before the relationship is poisoned to an extent where it can no longer be saved. If the two of you truly love each other you will naturally want to save your relationship and turn it into a fulfilling one. Decide what you really want and then take appropriate action.

I cheated on my wife, which she did find out about. We went for counselling. Three months later when we thought everything was working out between my wife and I, the woman phoned to tell me that she was pregnant. The baby has been born, but a part of me tells me the child is not mine because she was born a month before the expected date. I’ve suggested we do a DNA test; the woman has never contacted me since then. Is there any legal way to make her do the test? Really want to know if she’s mine. The least I can do is to support the child

If a part of you tells you that the baby is not yours then you should clear your mind of any lingering doubts. Suggesting a DNA test was a good move on your part because you should not find yourself in a situation where you’re supporting another man’s child; at the same time, you’d never forgive yourself if you neglect the child only to find out years later that s/he’s yours. So yes, I recommend you go ahead and do the DNA test for your own peace of mind and for the sake of the baby. If your wife took the trouble to go for counselling to get your marriage back on track, then she really wants it to work and I think she’ll understand why you need to confirm whether or not the baby is yours.
 I just wonder why this lady has now gone quiet and has not responded to your suggestion for a DNA test…could it be she too is unsure and is having second thoughts about you being her baby’s father?
Contact a lawyer or the legal clinic at UB to find out how you should go about getting her to avail the baby for a DNA test.

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